Dr. Olive thinks I should keep a journal. All her patients do it, she says. She calls us peers, though. Like, all my peers do it. That’s how she talks. Says she keeps one of her own too. Like a peer would, right? She assures me that it’s very therapeutic, and who am I to argue? I’ve gone through so many therapists in the last few years I’m willing to give almost anything a shot. Even Dr. Olive. She’s got my interest so far. She’s pretty wild, which is surprising and refreshing. Her hair is all over the place and so’s her perfume.
She says I should just write down whatever comes into my head without a filter. Nobody will ever read it, she says. Like she can see the future. At any rate, I’m supposed to write like nobody’s ever going to see it. I’m actually used to thinking nobody will ever be aware of the things I do.
Here’s something I hate: Whenever I meet somebody and they find out I’m still with my first love, my youthful love, I can see it in their faces that they think I’m boring. Unadventurous. Taking the path of least resistance. I defy anybody who’s ever met me or Joe to think that the two of us staying together all these years was the path of least resistance.
Of course, Dr. Olive might be wrong and somebody might find this and read it. Somebody named Joe. In that case, if you don’t stop reading this now I will kill you. That’s not an empty threat. I will literally kill you if you do not stop reading now. Right now. Stop right now. I’m not kidding. You know I’m not joking. I will kill you. Stop.
Joe never listens. That’s reason #7,294 why he pisses me off. Here’s another one: when I do something nice for anyone else they say Thank you. But when I do something nice for Joe he tells me what else I could do, in addition, that would be even better. Or else, what I did was great but it was the way I did it that could use improvement. Basically, it could have been done better by someone who pays attention to details. Someone like him! Someone exactly like him except for the fact that he doesn’t do the fucking thing he’s telling me he could do better.
Maybe Dr. Olive’s right. This does feel good.