The Lost Art of Letter Writing: The Rejection Letter

Dear Author,

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to review your novel Drowning In My Tears. While the story of a man’s struggle to overcome debilitating halitosis is uplifting, I’m not sure the market universe for your work is broad enough to inspire the confidence of our agency.

As long as there are readers who prefer literary ability to whatever it is you’re peddling, I can’t imagine who would read, let alone publish, such ackamarackus. On a personal note, I also suffer from halitosis and found some of your characterizations offensive, bordering on civilly liable. Even the First Amendment only goes so far in protecting speech such as yours.

Of course, this is only one person’s opinion (assuming you haven’t already received hundreds of similar rejections) and I don’t want to discourage you from seeking other avenues of representation. On second thought, I would like to discourage you. Please be deeply, deeply discouraged.

Have you ever considered a career in accounting or one of the mortuary sciences? 

All the best,
Byron Postlewaite

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