Tag: humor

The Mr. Mike VIP Experience

~ mikepowernyc ~ Leave a comment

VIP-Package-300x174

Do you think you are a Very Important Person? If you have enough disposable income, we’ll pretend to think so too!

For a limited time, we here at Mr. Mike’s Mostly Musical Mashup are offering a rare glimpse behind the scenes of a real live rock show.

For the insane price of $998.97, you get:

  • Meet & greet with Mr. Mike himself, or an incredibly life-like cardboard cut-out, or a green screen where we can superimpose his image.

  • Individual photo opportunity with Mr. Mike. We guarantee that his hands will be kept in view of cameras at all times, with none of the grabbing and groping you get at many of these events. You may feel free to grab and grope Mr. Mike. He enjoys that kind of thing.

  • Mr. Mike will sign any piece of memorabilia you bring, from CDs to Mike Power Atomic Man action figures. Please do not ask him to sign any body parts. We are still in litigation over the last Meet & Greet.

  • Commemorative VIP doohickey of some sort. We are still working on this part.

Get your tickets here

Enter the code MRMIKEVIP when ordering your tickets to take advantage of this once-or-twice-or-however-many-times-we-can-get-away-with-in-a-lifetime offer.

See you at the show!

DISCLAIMER: Anyone attempting to enter a code, redeem a golden ticket, or wander backstage at any time before, during, or after the show, will be handed over to the proper authorities for psychological evaluation.

Divine Laughter

~ mikepowernyc ~ Leave a comment
Photo by Aubrey Morse (@aubstheword)

There is a god and she has a plan for each of us, a puzzle distributed at birth with one lifetime to solve it. We call it life, or reality, or love, or time, or the universe, but the name we give it doesn’t matter. Words are meaningless in the realm of gods.

It usually takes about 100 years to solve our puzzles and sometimes god lets us live that long. After we’ve logged seven or eight decades of work, she gets creative with us, laying traps to trip us up – dementia, exhaustion, hopelessness. She distracts us with the deaths of our most beloved companions and dreams. She muddies the water of our memories. She lays mines in the fields of those who are best at unraveling her riddles to be sure they are blown to pieces before they can share her secrets, and as a warning to the rest of us.

Wisdom comes with the realization that the joke is on us and the solution has always been the simplest one: to join the laughter.

Help Wanted

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For those on the hunt for a new job, several positions have recently become available in diverse fields of endeavour. So, spruce up your resume and submit to this blog for consideration of the following opportunities:job interviews-page-001 (1)Please note that we will only respond to applicants under serious consideration.

 

 

A Joke

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I got a little dark yesterday. School shootings can do that to a person. Today I’ll share a joke from a book I’m reading, The Evenings by Gerard Reve.
 

Gerard Reve, joker

        At this school they were going to take a photograph of the whole class, but the little poor boy wasn’t allowed to be in it, he looked too ragged. The teacher told him: “listen, Pete, when that picture has been taken, later they will say: that’s Wim, he’s a bank manager these days; his father was a manager before him. And that is Klaas, he’s a notary. His father was a notary too. And that is Eduard, he’s a doctor now. And that one there is Joop, he is a clergyman. So, Pete, when the photographer comes in I want you to go stand over there. Do you understand?” All right, so the little poor boy does that and the picture is taken. A few days later the photographer sends them the picture. 
“Who wants to order one?” the teacher asks. Most of the children do. Pete too. The teacher is surprised. She asks him: “Pete, what do you want a picture for? You’re not even in it.”
“I know, teacher,” he says.
“So why would you want to have one?” she asks.
“I’ll keep it,” he says. “Then later, when I’m grown up, I can say” this is Wim, he became a manager. And that’s Klaas, he’s a notary. And that is Eduard, he’s a doctor. And that’s our teacher, she started coughing up blood and died at an early age.”

Don’t Let The Door Hit You On The Ass, 2017

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Disasters, both natural and the man-made kind, dominated the year that is ending today, but there were other things too, good things that should be remembered and celebrated because it is important to recognize beauty and progress. It’s also more fun that bitching about this awful year.

Great new music was released by Jay-Z, Randy Newman, U2, and others, probably even better, by artists that still exist in the zone of my ignorance.

#metoo gave warning to the misogynist patriarchy that it will be crushed and swept into history’s landfill where it belongs.
 
 

45 new drugs were approved by the FDA including the first cancer treatment based on genetic characteristics rather than location of tumor.

After five centuries a “new” Leonardo da Vinci painting made headlines. 

There were fewer murders in NYC in 2017 than in any year since reliable records have been kept.
 

 

We remember those who fell this year – Chuck Berry, Sam Shepard, Jerry Lewis, Mary Tyler Moore – but there were also seeds planted this year that will take years to fully blossom. We may look back on 2017 as the year when one of our greatest people was born but it will be decades before we know it.

So raise a glass of champagne, kiss someone you love, and place a big red mark on your calendar for November 6, 2018, our next opportunity to vote and re-direct our ship of state from the venality of 2017.

God’s Alphabet

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God knew what he was doing when he made clouds. He must’ve gotten confused sometime after dogs and forests because by the time he got to humans he was seriously off the reservation. Then came killing – a mistake he admitted in his Ten Commandments. When he got to whiskey and wine he threw up his hands in disgust.

“Have at it, boys and girls. Knock yourselves out.”